Marriage, Divorce and Remarriage

Advice To a Married Man.

Keeping a Marriage Healthy

            I’ve been married for 52 years. I’m now an old man. But I was young once and I remember full well what I was like as a young married man. I didn’t do everything right, I admit that. And looking back on my own life and watching how things have turned out for other men, have taught me a thing or two which I would like to pass on to you.

             Wisdom comes from experience. There is so much to be learned by watching how things begin and watching as they progress through the years and then seeing how they turn out in the end. This is a genuine learning experience that teaches life by living it. I have seen many marriages start out and watched as they progressed through time, including my own. I have seen things that caused marriages to fail and things that could have been corrected if there had only been an effort to keep the marriage healthy.

            Young married men are tugged at from every side. Everyone and everything want part of your time. From my own experience I can tell you that there is always something that seems to demand your time. There is your family and church, but there is also your job.

            The job seems to make big demands on your time and attention, and it never seems to be satisfied with a small part. It requires constant attention if you expect to be a success and get ahead in your career.

            Most of the time, no one else seems to realize and understand what this job means, except you. Not only are you constantly measured and judged by your coworkers and managers, but you also measure yourself. You judge your own value and worth by how you measure up in your work. Most all men measure themselves in two ways: how do you measure up in your work and how do women think you look. If a man fails to measure up in at least one of these areas, he will do many things to try to compensate for this. Some of the things will cause a man to self-destruct.

            Another thing that pulls and tugs at a young man’s attention and time is personal recreation. A huge mistake that a young married man makes, that many times causes a marriage to fail, is personal recreation “with the guys”. This is almost a sure way to destroy your marriage. Stop and think for just a minute. A young wife has needs that cannot be overlooked and ignored. A young woman has a need for fun and recreation just as much as a young man does. However, the activities that are required are much different than a man in both type and motive. Her recreation needs to include some attention to her that lets her know that her husband loves her and wants to be with her.

            She needs your attention and your appreciation so that there is no doubt that she is the most important thing in your life. You may be controlled by your job in ways that cannot be avoided, but you can avoid leaving your wife alone to go out with the guys. Never, never, and I say never, choose the “guys” over your wife when you plan your recreation activities.

            Another thing that causes marriages to fail is a man who will place his mother on a higher pedestal of importance than his wife. I am not saying that you should not love your mother. But you must never love her more than your wife. Remember what the Bible tells you to do about your parents when you get married.

Genesis 2:24 (NKJV)

24 Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.

            There is a Godly separation that takes place with a man and his mother, and the wife is now the most important person in his life.

            Never choose your mother’s opinions about how you raise your children, how you run your house, and never side with your mother in a disagreement with her and your wife.

            Now I know mothers can sometimes be wise and sometimes they can have good advice, but if a disagreement arises between your mother and your wife, support your wife.

            Of course, you know that I am not talking about anything immoral or against Bible principles. The rule is this: never give any cause for your wife to think that you hold your mother’s love to a higher degree than you do hers.

            Do not go to your mother to seek advice, without taking your wife with you and only then if your wife thinks it is a good idea.

As a general rule, a woman is motivated by emotion more than a man. She needs attention, she needs romance, and she needs you to show how much you care by the way you treat her. This need is exceptionally strong in a woman. It was placed into her by God himself. A woman needs this emotion, this tenderness, and this loving nature to fulfill the role of a woman in taking care of babies and children and in being a loving wife to a man. Look what the Bible says about these emotions and desires.

Genesis 3:16 (NKJV)

16 To the woman He said: “I will greatly multiply your sorrow and your conception; In pain you shall bring forth children; Your desire shall be for your husband, and he shall rule over you.”

            A woman has a strong desire for the attention of a man. If you neglect these emotions in your wife, then one of two things will happen. Either you will be the cause of a miserable existence for her, or

you are looking at a failed marriage for you when she

finds this attention from someone else.

            There is another thing that you need to know to help you to have a happy and successful marriage. Never take your wife or allow her to go where alcoholic drinks are being served.

            Without a doubt, alcohol can ruin your marriage. The Bible declares it and tells you what to expect if either of you involve yourself with social drinking. The Bible tells us, flat out, that social drinking can cause flirtation and improper sexual thoughts between your wife and another man. Surely, you don’t want to take this chance. Look at what the Bible tells you that wine causes in people’s lives. Proverbs 23:29-33 (KJV)

20. Who hath woe? Who hath sorrow? Who hath contentions? Who hath babbling? Who hath wounds without cause? Who hath redness of eyes?

30. They that tarry long at the wine; they that go to seek mixed wine.

31.  Look not thou upon the wine when it is red, when it giveth his colour in the cup, when it moveth itself aright.

32. At the last it biteth like a serpent, and stingeth like an adder.

33. Thine eyes shall behold strange women, and thine heart shall utter perverse things.

Keep your wife away from any place where drinking is going on and stay away from there yourself.

            The Bible does not lie. When it says your wife will be tempted to look on other men in an improper way, you know it is true, and you would be a foolish person to allow your wife to be tempted in such a way. Do not ever, be involved in drinking alcohol with your wife. This is a sure way to ruin your marriage.

            The next thing I would advise you to do is to develop common interests. Your wife needs to be your best friend. Take her places often, where she finds enjoyment. To some women it is a place where she is expected to dress up. In fact, most women like this. Almost all women love to go out places where they are expected to dress up to the 9’s and dazzle their husbands and have the feeling of being something special in your eyes. If you are smart you will find ways to set up “dates” with your wife. And there are other things as well. Find things you both can enjoy together. Sometimes women like the outdoors. Many women like hiking, fishing, boating, golf, and sports events. Just make sure whatever you do is centered on your wife and includes her in such a way as to never let her have a doubt that she is the most important thing in your life. After all, she is. Can you imagine what your life would be like without her?

            One last thing you need to know. As a man, you are the head of your house, as Christ is the head of the church.”

            The Bible explains it like this: your wife is expected to run your household. She has the authority to take care of the children as she sees fit. She has the authority to make the purchases for the house as she sees fit. And in general, she is the manager of the house. If there were to come a time when there is a decision that needs to be made and the two of you cannot agree on a decision, then as the head of the house you become the tie breaker. But remember, you are to love your wife as Christ loves the church. Christ would never hurt the church. And you should never hurt or be unfair to your wife.

            However, the organization of the church is not a democracy for members to vote on how it is set up. Christ is the head. But he loves the church, and he only does what is best and good for the church. We look to His word to settle disputes and make decisions. This is how it is with a husband and a wife.

            The two of you need to settle this in a calm and loving way before a problem comes up.

            You cannot expect your wife to understand this principle unless she understands and respects what the Bible has to say about these matters. As head of your house, you need to lead your family into a relationship with God and Jesus Christ. Do not delay this. Start that process now before it is too late for your marriage relationship.

            Unless you and your wife understand and become committed to a Godly way of life found in the

Bible, there is no absolute standard to govern your life and your marriage. You need this standard and if you and your wife are both committed to it you will never argue and question what “is the right thing to do.”

So, be a “man”. Stand up and lead your family into a relationship with Jesus and be the leader of your wife and family as Christ is the head of the church. Most women respect a husband who leads.

            Unfortunately, by the time you are reading these words your marriage may already have fallen on hard times. If you want to save it and if your wife is willing to be included, it is not too late to start practicing these things I have told you to do. You fell in love once and you can do it again. Love can be rekindled between two people if they behave in such a way as to let it happen. Give these suggestions a try. There are not many women that would not respond if you treated them the way I have advised you to conduct yourself in this book.