Marriage, Divorce and Remarriage
What can you do if you see your marriage in trouble?
The first thing you need to do is to consider the seriousness of a separation or a divorce. If you are a Christian and you are married to a Christian, you should already know what the Bible says about divorce and separation. You are not to separate from your marriage partner, but if for some reason you do have to separate, then you will remain single and therefore celibate or you will reconcile. Consider this Scripture.
1 Corinthians 7:10-11 (NKJV)
- Now to the married I command, yet not I but the Lord: A wife is not to depart from her husband.
- But even if she does depart let her remain unmarried or be reconciled to her husband. And a husband is not to divorce his wife.
There are many reasons why a wife might have to depart from her husband. She just might not have any choice in the matter. Some women have to depart to escape violent behavior and the fear of bodily harm. And some husbands divorce their wives because they don’t want them anymore. Of course, anything said about a wife having to depart could also apply to a husband.
There can be an innocent party to a divorce that would have no choice but to depart. No divorce can only involve one party. The law divorces both marriage partners at the same time even though one may not have wanted the divorce.
But even when this is the case, your options for remarriage and starting over are extremely limited. You are not free to remarry unless the divorce was caused by sexual immorality, and you are the innocent party. This situation is extreme, and I have no words of my own to make this emotional trauma, this suffering, this distress, just go away.
My only advice will have to be in harmony with the Scriptures. Before you decide to walk down the aisle in marriage, make sure you count the costs. Are you really confident and ready to spend the rest of your life with this individual? Marriage is always for life for both of the marriage partners involved.
Don’t yoke yourself with an unbeliever or someone who is involved in a false religion that does not follow the pattern of the church we read about in the New Testament. More than anything else, you want a marriage partner that will help you and your children live a Christian life and spend eternity in heaven.
But if you see your marriage in trouble, don’t wait too long to start some type of first aid that will help it to heal. The first thing to do to heal a marriage is to talk to one another.
Try to find out why your marriage is in trouble and isolate the cause or causes as you can. If you cannot work this out between the two of you, then you may need help. Whoever you choose to counsel you both will have no effect unless both partners have respect for his opinions. The ideal person to do this would be a fellow Christian with these types of skills. I don’t advocate that you choose just any Christian: not even if he is an elder or a preacher or someone who is respected by other Christians. He really needs to have some counseling skills. And I don’t mean by that to include only someone who has some type of professional counseling certificate.
You may not know anyone that fits all these qualifications I have just listed. If that is the case, you may have to choose a stranger. If that happens you will most definitely have to choose a qualified professional. But be careful about this because they might be so worldly that they advise you to sin against your Lord.
In the meantime, while you are trying to work out solutions to the problems and details, there needs to be some new patterns and changes designed in your relationship with your mate. You fell in love together once, it’s time to try for that relationship once again. It’s true that things may have gotten in the way of this dating and togetherness, but now is the time to find new ways to spend time together. Pay attention to what activities make the other person happy and learn to find happiness in those things yourself.
If your husband likes football or sports, learn to like them yourself. If your wife likes to go to plays or concerts, learn to like them yourself. Spending time together won’t have the same effect if one person is complaining about the activity you are involved in. Stop your complaining about anything and find a way to be happy when you are with your spouse. There is a great contentment that comes over a man when his wife is singing around the house. All men feel good when they see their wife happy and contented and singing for no reason other than they are happy. I’m sure women must feel the same way.
Having some type of togetherness that is planned out and anticipated is a soothing balm for a marriage. Part of the fun and enjoyment about these planned events is the planning and the anticipation. Being able to look forward to these events and enjoying the waiting and then the event itself is marriage therapy.
Don’t wait until your marriage is in trouble and out of control before you start the medicine to keep it healthy.
Love is a powerful emotion and has the power to change the world. People will change their personalities and their lives because they discovered the emotion of love. People will make and keep commitments because of love. Drug addicts and alcoholics can change their lives because of the love of a woman or a commitment to God.
A person can fall in love suddenly. Sometimes it takes a touch, sometimes only a conversation. But love changes lives for the better when the two people have a right to be together.
But love is an intellectual emotion as well. You have the ability to control the emotion of love. You can keep yourself under control and in check if you find yourself in a tempting environment and you don’t have to sin. God has told us that there will always be some way of escape.
1 Corinthians 10:13 (NKJV)
13 No temptation has overtaken you except such as is common to man; but God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but with the temptation will also make the way of escape, that you may be able to bear it.
Now unless we want to call God a liar, this Scripture is true. Don’t ever try to say that a temptation was too strong for you to overcome.
Most marriages that fail because of adultery follow the same pattern of excuse. The guilty party will almost always say, “I didn’t mean to fall in love with this other person.” The real truth is that they did not want to escape the temptation.
God will provide a way for you to escape temptation, but you must want to find it.
If this should happen in your marriage, it is a cause for a Scriptural divorce and only the innocent
party will ever have the right to marry again. Don’t ever let this happen to you. If you let it happen, you are faced with the rest of your life living celibate without another wife if you expect to go to Heaven when you die.
If you have sinned against your partner, you need to repent. You have wronged them in a most horrendous and awful way. You need to pray to God for forgiveness and try to find forgiveness from your mate. Your only hope to have a marriage partner would be to reconcile with your spouse. If that cannot be done you can never marry again. And what is even worse; if you do remarry, then you cause your new spouse to commit adultery because they married you.
Matthew 5:32 (NKJV)
32 But I say to you that whoever divorces his wife for any reason except sexual immorality causes her to commit adultery; and whoever marries a woman who is divorced commits adultery.
(This verse applies equally to a woman or a man)
By now we have covered the seriousness of this situation. Do your best to keep your marriage healthy before it has a chance to lose its health. Start today and don’t delay. Pay attention to your mate. Everyone needs the 3 A’s to have good emotional health.
Everyone needs the 3 “A’s”
Attention, achievement, and appreciation.
Find a way to generate all three of these things in your spouse. It will make you happy as well.
issues and opinions 